By CHRIS PETERSON
The beginning of a new semester is often accompanied by torturous long drives by students who can’t fit all of their belongings into two suitcases and a carry-on. Now, students who occasionally venture to the Salt Lake City area will be spending more time in their cars as a result of I-15 construction.
We at the Universe desire that these tormenting treks be enjoyed by BYU students. Therefore, we offer this list of 22 things to do to avoid going crazy on the long drive. Why 22? Because it is half of 44.
1. Close one eye and bob your head up and down, giving side viewers the impression that you’re falling asleep at the wheel.
2. During summer months, roll your windows up, turn the heater on ‘max’ and play the who-can-stand-the-heat-the-longest game.
3. During winter months, roll your windows down and play the ‘cold’ game.
4. Turn on the radio and time how long you can drive without hearing “Mmmbop”!
5. Memorize pi to 50 specific numbers.
6. Make prank cellular phone calls like “Is your engine running? Well you better go catch it.”
7. Set the radio on seek and see who can ‘name that tune’ first. (Note: this idea may not work in desert areas or towns like Tooele or Vernal.)
8. Buy the “End of the World” single by R.E.M. and memorize the words. (If you already know it, shame on you!)
9. Play freeze tag with no tag backs. Let the passenger start.
10. Pull off at various rest stops. Sneak up on sleeping drivers and pound on their window screaming, “Head for high land! Floods a ‘comin!”
11. Re-upholster.
12. Stick your head out the window and play the guess-which-octane-I-use game.
13. Have a debate to decide who is the smartest Spice Girl.
14. With a marker and paper, make signs that taunt other motorists. For example, “My grandma is a safer driver than you.”
15. Play car tag with the highway patrol.
16. When driving through Utah count how many of the cities aren’t named after Book of Mormon prophets.
17. Make blowfish faces on the windows at passing motorists and count how many blow back.
18. Pull off the side of the road and put up a new road sign that reads, “Give a hoot, read a book.”
19. Start a conversation with the person in the next lane, and tell them you are really, really lost and would like to know how to get to the “Information Superhighway.”
20. If pulled over for speeding and asked if you know the speed limit is 65 miles an hour, reply that you only planned on being out 45 minutes.
21. Using a banana, mimic fellow motorists who think it’s neat to talk on their cellular phone.
22. Read the Universe.
