By TAMARA NATASHA SPENCE
While they may be greeted with curious stares or dubious glances, many interracial couples say that their nuptial experience is no different than that of their same-race, married counterparts.
At first glance, Carri Mitchell appears like many other former BYU co-eds. A white female raised by a traditional LDS family in North Bend, Ore., Mitchell is a married 26-year-old mother of two.
The similarity between Mitchell and other former white BYU students, however, ends here. Carri is married to Brian Mitchell, the black assistant coach of BYU men’s football team.
While Carri is aware that people might view their relationship with inquisitive skepticism, she vehemently counters arguments that interracial marriages are more challenging or stressful than same-race relationships.
“I think that people would like to believe that interracial couples face more challenges, but we don’t. If anything our racial differences have made our marriage stronger, because we want to prove people wrong about the fallacies associated with marriages like ours,” Carri said.
Dana and Steven Mears met while they were students at Ricks College. They were married in 1993 and are now the parents of two children.
Dana was raised in a multicultural community in South Florida. She credits her diverse upbringing with facilitating her transition into an interracial marriage.
“I’ve lived around African-Americans my whole life, so I’ve always been aware of the different life experiences people can have based on their race.
“However, any marriage depends on the personality of the people involved and how they deal with issues — not on race. We have the same problems like other married couples, race has nothing to do with it,” Dana said.
Both Dana and Carri note that their children may have unique life experiences because they are bi-racial. However, both women say they are committed to strong family values, and feel their children’s development will be representative of their commitment to family and not the world’s perception of them.
“We’re going to let our kids be aware of both races, but it will be up to them to choose if they want to identify with either one, if any. We’re not going to tell them one way or another, it will be their decision,” Dana said.
Marriage counselors state that all couples must face fundamental issues if their marriage is to succeed, regardless of the racial make-up of the partnership.
Some marriage counselors say the idea that interracial couples must work harder at their marriage is false and unfounded.
“I think that every couple has the very same issues to deal with: how to understand their spouse, how to communicate or how to assimilate different backgrounds.
“Every marriage faces these questions, however, the intensity and distance between those items may be greater with interracial couples, but not really any different than other partners,” said Robert Gleave, sociologist and marriage counselor at the BYU counseling and development center.
Gleave believes that cultural differences play a stronger role than racial differences in the development of a marriage.
If couples come from different cultures, such as Mississippi and New York, there would be cultural differences that have nothing to do with race, but are based on each individual’s background, Gleave said.
Gleave concluded that while for many people being a different race makes them have a different culture, traditions and expectations, the mind-set a person brings to a marriage has a greater effect than race.
