By JENNIFER GANTT ABSHE
I have been married for a little over five months and already I have become an expert in this area. I appeared on the radio as a guest host with Dr. Brent Barlow, who has a program called “Let’s talk about marriage” on KSTAR 1400 AM, Monday nights from 7-8, to talk about work and marriage.
Since I have become such an expert I decided it would be easy to get a minor in family sciences. One of the first things I learned was how I need to make marriage my first priority.
There is a great need for people today to study and discuss marriages. Think about it — if you have a car and it always breaks down you will try to fix it. You will listen to it and take it apart and study what each part does.
Yet so many marriages today break down and end in divorce because spouses didn’t take the time to listen and try to find the problem and fix it. If they did, often it is too late to fix it because one or the other has given up hope and no longer believes it can be repaired. We need to believe in our relationship and that it can work.
“If you fear, then fear not. But if you fear not, then fear,” an LDS church leader once said concerning our testimonies. No, that quote is not meant to confuse you. Think about it, if we are aware of the dangers that are out there, than we are more likely to take precautions against them. If we are concerned and study about marriage then we are less likely to have problems in our own marriages.
Have you ever noticed that you find time to do the things you want to do? When you complain that you don’t have enough time to work on your marriage it typically means that you haven’t made it your first priority.
Try to make your marriage fun. If you believe it is fun then it will be. Our attitude greatly affects our actions.
One of the things that helps make my marriage fun is an activity my husband and I call a “Mystery Date” where one of us plans a date and only tells the other how to dress for the activity. The element of surprise really adds to the evening. The anticipation of the event is almost as fun as the event itself.
“The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing,” Stephen R. Covey noted in his book “First Things First.” The first thing in my life is my marriage and my family. Sometimes it is hard to keep that in mind with all of the other things in my life fighting for my attention.
Another thing that my husband and I try to do is called the 3 T’s exercise that Barlow teaches. That stands for Time, Talk, Touch. Barlow suggests that married couples talk about their feelings and concerns with no distractions while they touch by holding hands for at least twenty minutes. That time should be set aside to strengthen the marriage through communication.
I believe that my marriage will work because I am learning about it and trying to stay away from the dangers. If we all focus on our marriages, our chances for success are bound to increase
