By AUSTIN SMITH
My freshman year home-teaching companion, a mission buddy, my cousin — these are a few of the wonderful people in my life who, through no choice of their own, are attracted to people of the same gender. I fear that here at BYU, talking about homosexuality has for too long been taboo. Same-gender attraction, or SGA, is not something we can just ignore, wishing it would go away, because it won’t. It deserves and demands a mature, respectful, faithful and open discussion. We cannot allow our silence, ignorance or intolerance to push precious people out of the church.
The recent church publication for Mormons who have homosexual attractions, “God Loveth His Children,” says “some people with same-gender attraction have felt rejected because members of the church did not always show love. No member of the church should ever be intolerant.”
Tolerance does not require one to embrace homosexual behavior, but my prayer is that we, as a campus community, can be more understanding, loving and, yes, accepting of our friends and loved ones who find themselves in this position.
One misconception about members of the church who experience SGA is they simply don’t have enough faith. In my experience, nothing could be further from the truth. These are people who spend countless hours in earnest prayer, serve selflessly in the temple, magnify their callings as full-time missionaries, visiting teachers or elder’s quorum presidents, and meet consistently with both priesthood leaders and professional counselors. These are people who show me what it is like to go forward with faith despite not having answers to all their questions. Some eventually feel comfortable entering into heterosexual marriages; others experience no change in their orientation, but all demonstrate great faith and trust in God.
The men and women in our lives with SGA have a difficult cross to bear which we cannot afford to exacerbate with our scorn or disdain. However, no one wants or needs pity. Our friends and loved ones who experience SGA need to be befriended, loved and accepted. They need, just as we all do, support in trying to live the gospel of Jesus Christ. We need to be able to say, as President Gordon B. Hinckley did, that “our hearts reach out to those who struggle with feelings of affinity for the same gender. We remember you before the Lord, we sympathize with you, [and] we regard you as our brothers and sisters.” Put a face on the issue: if a close friend of yours were to tell you about his quiet battles with homosexuality, would you turn him away or embrace him?
To those of you reading this who struggle with same-gender attraction, let me express my unconditional love and support for you. Know that you are not alone; there are many active Latter-day Saints who experience SGA or who have unanswered questions about this issue.
One of my friends at BYU who struggles with SGA told me that for a long time, he thought he was literally the only guy in the whole university who had these kinds of feelings. That is a depressing and unhealthy way to live, and it simply is not true. It’s an easy thing to let depression and despair overwhelm you, especially if you have been unsuccessful in trying to change your orientation, but I plead with you to hang on.
Remember the words of Nephi, who acknowledged he did not know the meaning of all things, but nevertheless testified “I know that [God] loveth his children.” You do not need to bear this burden alone; there are many resources where you can find help and support.
Seek out close friends and family members with whom you can confide and discuss your trials, missteps, successes and goals. Speak with your bishop; chances are he has counseled others in your situation. BYU offers free counseling where you can confidentially work through your feelings with an empathetic professional. There are online resources and communities for Mormons who experience SGA, with the aim of helping them stay active in the church. Above all, search out the best in life and enjoy the abundant blessings of the church and the fellowship of the saints.
As a BYU community, it is my fervent hope that our attitudes on the issue of same-gender attraction can be open and tolerant. That does not mean we need to compromise our beliefs or condone sexual activity outside of marriage, but we should always strive to love our brothers and sisters as God loves each and every one of us: unconditionally, no matter our struggles.
Austin Smith is a senior majoring in computer science at BYU. He is from McLean, Va.
Feeds 
Austin,
Your words came at the day and time I needed them. Having struggled with SGA (Same Gender Attraction) since I was 12, if not earlier, and recently coming to understand and accept my conflicting emotions, I was so relieved to hear your support.
To those of you who try to comprehend: THANK YOU! You make this battle so less frustrating, realizing that we (I) won't be hated for my inherent attraction to men.
To anyone struggling silently and alone: there is help, there are people to talk to, you don't have to be lonely. It makes so great a difference to find that, while you've been walking in the dark, isolated, you've had friends, family, people you haven't met, walking alongside you, ready to hold your hand and help you "fight the good fight."
To those who don't understand: when did you choose to be attracted to the opposite sex? You probably 'chose' the same time I 'chose' to be attracted to the same gender. Do you think I want to feel something so fundamentally against the doctrines of the church? It is something hard to understand, I realize, it was hard for me to understand. Know this: while many CHOOSE to act out - which is sin - on their homosexual attraction, these are not typically those actively involved in the church. Those who are striving, living actively and worthily as Latter-Day Saints, well, you probably aren't even aware of their SGA. We're looking for spouses who we can marry in the temple, someone we can be authentically attracted to. It's an up-hill battle, but with your support, maybe our load can be lightened. That's what you said you'd do when you were baptized, right?
Austin, thank you for writing this article. It communicates to me, as one experiencing same-gender attraction, that you take your baptismal covenant seriously, which is in part to be "willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light." The fact that you offer empathy and understanding helps ease my burden; it really helps to know that some, though they don't know exactly what it's like to be attracted to the same gender, care and are concerned for me and others like me. You inspire me to live with my convictions and move forward on the gospel path :).
Anonymous, thanks for taking the risk to share your thoughts and opinion and open yourself up to potential criticism. I want to understand your thoughts and opinions better so we can get to the heart of things. I'm unsure about what you mean by "the act of same gender 'attraction' is already an expression of choice." Can you please clarify and provide concrete examples? Also, can you please share the source of your information and how you came to the conclusion you've come to?
I believe there are several things we all agree on as members of the Church-- as a church family:
1) We want to live the gospel as best we can.
2) We want to help those around us live the gospel the best they can.
3) We want to share the happiness we feel as we succeed in living the gospel.
4) We want to warn others, especially those in our church family with shared convictions, about the unhappiness which comes from rebellion.
Central to these 4 things we all agree on is our belief in the Atonement. The Atonement helps us individually live the gospel as best we can. It helps us help others, or in other words, it empowers us beyond our own ability to lift people from where they are to a better place.
Elder Holland said something that resonates well with me as one who deals with same-gender attraction, and is helpful for anyone in any situation:
"I want to suggest to you that it is your relationship with other people... that gives you your best chance to say what you believe about the Atonement. Your most important beliefs are not going to be statements made in a classroom... What you will say best about your understanding of the Atonement, about love and repentance and forgiveness, will come in your human relationships with people who have problems, people who makes mistakes, who haven't in every hour of every day done all that he or she could have done in righteousness."
Whether we're talking about the person who has lived a promiscuous life, or whether we're talking about the person who has lived a life of strict obedience to gospel principles despite attractions for the same gender, there is room to communicate love, to communicate what we really believe about the Atonement, and to declare by our actions as disciples who Jesus really is. And we all must consider the consequences of our "human relationships with people who have problems" -- our relationships and interactions can build people up and leave them better and empowered, or they can tear down leaving people worse and despondent.
I just wanted to thank Austin for his courage in standing up for his brothers and sisters who who experience same-sex attraction. It is hard enough for those of us who are attracted to members of our own gender to face the ignorance and judgmental attitudes like the ones shown by anonymous below. It is exceptional when someone who doesn't experience SSA is willing to try to understand, let alone actively work to help others understand and show compassion. It really makes me feel hopeful and cared for.
Thanks!
I'm often shocked by people like annonymous below who seem to think that by making life as intolerable as possible for those dealing with same-gender attraction, these people will be able to "cure" themselves of their attractions. I have two thoughts about this.
First, although I could conceive circumstances where a person chooses to be gay, this is not the case for a majority of the members that I know with same-gender attraction, including myself. It is something that I've dealt with personally for as long as I can remember. Although some may not take my word for it, Elder Holland said, "Same-gender attraction is not a sin, but acting on those feelings is." Here is the url to the whole talk if anyone wants it: http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=2784ba12dc...
Second, tolerance is not encouragement. Had Christ really wanted to encourage the woman taken in adultery to stop sinning, he could have allowed all sorts of punishments. Or stopped the stoning, but then ignore her. But he didn't. He reached out to her with compassion. In trying to encourage all people to live the gospel, I think that our method should not be to push away those who who make poor choices but to reach out. How to reach out should be a topic of prayer and study. There are some great resources available for members who would like to understand this issue, many of which have been referenced in Austin's article and the following discussion. I encourage everyone to take some time to look over them.
P.S. Thanks Austin for the great article.
One of my favorite quotes from President Hinckley is "Now we have gays in the church. Good people." Yet surprisingly, when I say similar comments in my ward, people look at me like I am apostate.
Elder Oaks once said "All should understand that persons (and their family members) struggling with the burden of same-sex attraction are in special need of the love and encouragement that is a clear responsibility of Church members, who have signified by covenant their willingness “to bear one another’s burdens” (Mosiah 18:8) “and so fulfil the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2). I worry that not enough members are serious about their clear responsibility to help us bear the burden of same-sex attraction.
"through no choice of their own, are attracted to people of the same gender"
Austin, your statement above does not look true at all. The act of the same gender "attraction" is already an expression of choice and in the light of truth it is wrong.
It is true that there are those who are XOs while most people are normally XXs or XYs. The XOs by birth are acknowledged by the Lord Jesus as eunuchs [who don't have the proper equipment] and he dealt with them justly. But people who violate their XX or XY circumstance violate what God has given them.
The commandments are given to guide us - in our appetites, our passions, our attractions, etc.
We have compassion. We must forgive. But we must not encourage disobedience to the commandments nor seek 'compassion' to encourage disobedience.
The attraction to the same gender cannot be condoned. Even the mere thought of the attraction to the same gender should be erased and altogether stopped.
This is exactly the kind of attitude that needs to end. Having a same gender attraction is NOT a sin and is usually NOT a choice. Acting on those desires is what's sinful, but no more so than if you or I broke the law of chastity with a member of the opposite sex. Check out what one of our living apostles has to say on the matter in the Church's pamphlet called "God Loveth His Children":
"Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, “All of us have some feelings we did not choose, but the gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us that we still have the power to resist and reform our feelings (as needed) and to assure that they do not lead us to entertain inappropriate thoughts or to engage in sinful behavior”"
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=3e05c8...
Please do not diminish the struggle of our brothers and sisters with these feelings and please do not condemn them based on their thoughts. It is our actions, not our temptations, that make us sinners. A person may struggle with same-gender attraction all his or her life and not sin if he or she does not act on that attraction.
Also, as a side note, eunuchs are men who have been castrated, not people with X0 chromosomes. People with X0 chromosomes are women who have a condition called Turner syndrome. They are female, but they are typically unable to reproduce. And neither of these groups of people have anything to do with same-sex attraction.
Anonymous, I don't know if we're talking about the same thing. SGA has nothing to do with X/Y chromosomes (whether or not a person is biologically male or female), but who they are attracted to. I don't know if you're a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but as a member of that church I agree with the official church stance that simply feeling an attraction is not a sin at all. I would encourage you to speak with people who are attracted to members of the same sex and try to see their point of view. All the ones I know did not choose who to find attractive.
And I would like to point out that nowhere do I encourage disobedience, I am simply saying that homosexual feelings are not in themselves a sin and should be dealt with openly and without hostility from others.
This is a well-articulated and much needed editorial. Scorn, disdain, and ostracization are categorically at odds with the stated mission of this university and the Church which so many of us believe is divinely authorized.
At an institutional level, I respectfully ask the author and/or others, can we openly support measures that condemn homosexuality and homosexual marriage? If so, does this mean necessarily that we are intolerant of individuals and the personal journey they tread?
Again, may I say how grateful I am for the topic of this editorial as well as for its author. The furtherance of any discussion here presented is on the sincerest of terms.
Austin, extremely well done. SGA is something that should be brought up in the Universe and Church more often, and I applaud your efforts to keep this issue in the dialogue of Latter-day Saints and provide context that it is a mature, non-taboo, very real issue that deserves our attention and publicity.
One such website is NorthStarLDS.org, a great place to go to find out more.
And thanks Emily, I hope everyone involved can strive to understand the concerns of those they disagree with.
Thanks Austin for your well written article. I have recently felt a lot of anamosity towards members of the church because of the general attitude of gays and lesbiens (or those who struggle with same sex attraction) in and outside of the church. It is great to hear that one person is willing to stand up and try to get others to see the struggles that our gay brothers and sisters in the church go through. Thank you again for standing up for compassion and love.