I am sorry that you are so insecure with your womanly independence that you feel the need to be offended by young men’s attempts at politeness and respect. I am sorry that you are offended at how we are taught by our leaders, including the prophet, to treat women. We are taught that we owe a debt of gratitude to women. As mothers, wives and daughters, just for being born a woman, you provide invaluable service to human kind, and as co-creators with our Heavenly Father, deserve our admiration and respect. I am sorry you feel that our admiration and respect of your divine calling as a woman is insulting. It isn’t men thinking that you are incapable of opening a door, and I have never heard any church leader even suggest that women belong anywhere but beside men as equal companions.
I spent two years of my life in São Paulo, Brazil. I observed many things during my time there. I would like to suggest that you consider which is better; young men, who you don’t even know, politely holding the door for you or men, both young and old, offering you catcalls as well as vulgar language and suggestions as you walk down the street. I happen to know that there are many young women on campus who appreciate the politeness of young men at BYU. Holding a door may be a simple gesture, but it is a symbol of something deeper. Please don’t despise it.
Kenneth Clark
Orange, Calif.

My evolution textbook states, “In many species the males provide food, parental care, or some other resource that is beneficial to the female and her young. If it is possible to distinguish good providers from poor ones, then choosy females reap a direct benefit…” Can this apply to the human species? What beneficial resources do men give women so that we, as choosy females, can distinguish the good providers from the poor ones? Several items come to mind: opening doors, paying for dates, and presenting a shiny ring. Each resource illustrates charity, selflessness, and desire for one eternal mate. I want a mate with these qualities. Who wants a mate that ignores, forgets, and doesn’t spend time with her? Call me old-fashioned… after all, my point of view has been around for millions of years. However, I am just following my natural instincts when I look for a potential mate that does “acts of feminine repression” such as notice me, and beg me to marry him.
I’ll be a choosy female because I want the best mate for myself and my offspring. Mariana Toledo, you can pick from the poor providers. I want a mate that gives selfless acts of service (Is it wrong to try to make another person’s life easier?), and you can have the men who ignore and disrespect womanhood.
I just have one favor, please don’t reproduce—I don’t want my daughters having to deal with your sons.
Elisabeth Svedin
Bluffdale

I’d like to deeply thank the writer of “Capable Woman.” Until Tuesday I was unaware that by holding doors, paying for dates, and being polite in general I was repressing women. By doing so I insult their intelligence, professionalism and competency as a functioning human being. When I hold a door, I am not simply doing a kind gesture, I am defining the beneficiary of that door hold as a “helpless damsel in distress.” When I go home tonight I will sincerely apologize to my wife for my gentlemanly behaviors and especially for taking a knee when I proposed to her. How could I have done such a thing? For this chauvinist act I am deeply ashamed and repentant.
Joshua LeFevre
Bellevue, Neb.

 
BYU culture struggles to maintain the timeless views that demonstrate the courtesy and honor to women characteristic of respectful gentlemen.  While walking through campus between classes, work, and other activities, I do not see damsels in distress.  I see strong, confident, capable, and intelligent women who understand gender as an essential characteristic of individual, eternal identity and purpose, who hold sacred their God-given endowment of femininity.  I see men that respect us as daughters of Heavenly Father, and who express their appreciation through small acts of service, such as opening doors.
I take time to say “Thank you” to the man who goes out of his comfort zone to hold the door open for me.  I too earn money, thus, I know the financial sacrifice a man chooses to make when he takes me on a date.
Finally, I am equally capable of forming a relationship with my eternal companion. My agency combines with his in deciding to spend the rest of our existence side by side, helping one another.  My heart and mind and spirit combine with his in our mutual resolution to make covenants together.  Our rings represent these covenants, be they princess cut or solid band.
My fellow saints, do not be fooled into thinking men and women must be the same to be equal.  And to our men on this great campus, I walk at your side as your companion and your sister with respect and with love, with honor and great admiration.
Sabina Safsten
Lewiston, Idaho

Regarding outdated, “oppressive” male chivalry: My wife certainly is not helpless. Yet she appreciates me holding the door, not because of what it does for her, but because of how it changes me. Small acts of kindness remind me of the kindness she deserves in a thousand ways. After 24 years of loyal companionship, how dare I not hold the door for her.
I hold the door for her, for my daughters, and for others, without regard to gender or age or condition. On this campus plenty of young women have held the door for me, too. We all create a simple yet beautiful connection through such acts of kindness. I know it’s out of fashion, but I need it. It serves as a useful reminder of what ought to be my fundamental orientation in life — serving others.
The Savior washed the feet of his disciples — symbolizing a door he would soon open for them! They were exalted by his grace, not diminished by it.
I don’t ask you to accept my gesture, but please don’t misconstrue my motives. For some of us, holding a door is a beautiful thing. Between me and my wife, it is a quiet expression of heartfelt sentiment — love and gratitude.
Mark Butler
Marriage & Family Therapy

I, too, agree that women should not be enfeebled by dependency on men. I, too, agree that women need to foster an independent sense of self. However, dear sister in Zion, common courtesy and pants-wearing do not contribute to society’s problems.
As we stand side by side with our men, let us remember that we are equal, but also different. Feminine repression can occur in our modern society, but as we quest for equality we must not forget our femininity.
Skirts, to you, might be a symbol of feminine submissiveness. But I say, to each her own! I like getting dressed up, and admittedly I do wear makeup. I’ve known women who don’t. Skirt wearing is just a matter of personal style — not a matter of societal inferiority.
In regard to the chivalric actions you disdain, I do not feel helpless when I confront a closed door. I, too, have hands and can open it myself. When a man opens a door for me, however, I do not scoff as I walk past him. Instead, I smile and offer my thanks. He opens the door not to display his manly skill of door-opening, but to be nice. He takes the time to go out of his way and make life a little easier for someone else. I appreciate this small gesture of kindness.
So please don’t be angry, dear sister in Zion, if one day I, too, open a door for you.
Hailee Norton
Cumming, Ga.