Since the occurrence of random gropings, beginning in January of 2014, fear has stricken the hearts of female Provo residents. Although most of Provo sees this epidemic in a negative light, we should see this as an opportunity to thank the groper for his service to the community.
The positive consequences of his actions are highlighted in the recent reactions of Provo. People of Utah Valley typically have a false sense of security and an abounding blind trust in their surroundings. Since the groping incidents began, we have seen a shift in the actions that our community is taking. First, women of Provo have become much more aware of their surroundings and cautious while out at night. So, grab your mace ladies, and stop running alone at night. If you ignore this counsel, you’d better run fast!
With this new cautious attitude, gentlemen of the community have risen to the occasion, showing their chivalry. I’m impressed, keep up the good work! Not only are we coming together in precautions, we are coming together in fashion.
As you look around the BYU campus, you notice shirts hot off the press with slogans such as “Catch the Groper 2014” and “I’m not the Groper” (thanks for helping us narrow it down). After all, students that dress together, stay together. Thanks to the groper, united we stand!
Mandi McCall
Goshen, Kentucky
