The Art of Flirting

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    By Jennifer Davis

    Chris sees Tracy across the hall and at a glance knows he has to ask her out. He walks over, takes her by the hand and asks if she has plans for this coming weekend. Wait, no. Chris wakes up and realizes life”s not that easy. He will have to take a more subtle approach – he will have to flirt.

    Many students would agree flirting is a necessary part of starting up a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Poor flirting skills can be detrimental to one”s social existence, whereas good flirting skills offer endless possibilities. The problem is knowing how to flirt and how to know if someone is flirting with you.

    Women who flirt are four times more likely to be approached by men and rated as more attractive, said Niwako Yamawaki, assistant professor of psychology. Yamawaki gave a lecture on the art of flirting Thursday in the Harold B. Lee Library, and there was not an empty seat in the auditorium. She discussed the main points of flirting, such as body language, facial expressions, gestures and gender differences in flirting.

    “The most important flirting tool – your eyes,” Yamawaki said. In a study where two strangers stared into each other”s eyes for four minutes, the majority of the couples after staring found each other very attractive.

    Hair flipping, smiling and exposing the neck at a 45-degree angle are three positive head presentations that actually work, Yamawaki said. Mirroring the same posture as the opposite person means the person wants to be in harmony and is a great, sometimes unconscious signal. Playing hard to get, however, does not work according to research, Yamawaki said.

    Men probably won”t be flipping their hair, so there are obvious differences in the way men and women flirt with each other.

    “To flirt appropriately, you need to be genuine,” said Cornelius Gillespie, a junior from Houston. “If I was interested in a girl, I would show genuine interest by paying attention to her and asking questions and more than likely a little teasing.”

    The motives behind dating are also different among the different sexes. A 2004 gender differences study showed women flirt to change the intensity of the relationship and to have fun, while men are more motivated by sexual interest. Both men and women flirt to explore how he or she feels, and both flirt to boost their self-esteem, Yamawaki said.

    “I think girls at BYU flirt just to get free dinners,” said Chris Hillier, a freshman psychology major from Denver.

    BYU flirting may be a little different than flirting around the world. A high percentage of return missionaries and LDS culture add a certain flare.

    “It”s a lot more like a competition here,” said Tracy Hill, a sophomore from Fort Walton Beach, Fla. “Who can be more obvious, yet subtle at the same time, who has the most dates, who has more friends of the opposite sex. In Florida it was more down to earth – it”s not a race to the eternal finish line.”

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